Generally I write not about myself in my blogs, instead raise a common concern to find a new dimension from every possible direction mainly from feedbacks. Here I am going to present a typical event which took place with me at Alma master. I here want to look into myself from past to future, from inside as what I perceive myself to outside as what I am perceived by others. This is also for my future reference to check how well I managed to evolve. This event like others reveals the fact that everything is not solely made up of right and wrong.
I had started preparing for my review three days before it which was inevitable at that time because every assignment and project are overpopulated in the last month of the semester. But it was true, I could have done it at earlier stages. But again it becomes unyielding doing early alone as amount of information required is not available. Everything here is multi-directional.
I enter into the room and make arrangements for my presentation and I start. Three people in front of me, two of whom are talking to each other and one is listening to me. Mr1 (...nathan) was he who was listening to me and Mr2 (Sreenivasan) and my guide(Appa Rao) were talking. I was warned not to take more than 15 minutes. I assured them my obedience with pleasure because I had only 13 slides including topic slide and thanking. I finished.
Mr. 1: Why is your height of staging of the water tank only 6m?
Everybody gets attention. The question is rephrased for me.
Mr 2: With this height of the structure, will it be able to supply water above than 2nd floor? What is the use of making the water tank, if so?
I tried to find the answer at the moment.
Me: The water tank might be located at higher place like on a hill.
Mr 1: I am not asking that. I am saying from where did you assume this height and on what basis?
Me : I did not assume this data myself. I was given this data along with the capacity of the tank.
Mr 1: Who gave you?
I hesitatingly pointed to my guide. Now this might have become a nightmare for me. Although I was correct in saying that data was given by my guide but he might have felt ignominy in front of others so he started non-answerable questions and found a better way of defending himself by putting me down.
Guide: How many times did you meet me this semester? (He was angry perhaps from beginning itself for not submitting the report for correction on time)
Me: Sir, three or four times (murmuring)
Guide: If you had met me enough number of times, I would not have let it happen like this. Why did you write my name here (on report) when I have not corrected it?
Guide (to others): He came to my room today at noon with the report seeking my signature, How can I sign without correcting it.
Guide (to me): See, this is not the way to do things. This reveals your insincerity. When a slot is allotted to this course, you must have met me every Friday and have discussed with me. Is this not a course?
Silence.
Guide: How many courses do you have this semester?
Me: Sir, A, B, D, E, F slots and a lab.
Guide: Only 5 courses? You could have done it better even if you had seven or eight courses and two or three labs. You are in IIT, isn’t it? If you have this kind of performance, and when you will outside, you will create bad impression of IIT. If an IITian goes outside, after a presentation no one dares to ask a question. Your level of performance is not up to the mark. You made me really down. (At this time I felt very strange. If I make an attempt to explain it, a sense of very strong guilt of something) Now here it is ok because they (pointing the other two) know the reality, but....
Guide: Do you know you came here at cost of others? You have occupied a place here for every kind of facility and resources for not putting them in use. Will it not have been better if someone more deserving had come at your place? (I am totally down now)
Guide: Look. If you continue this further, I will write to HoD to drop this project.
Guide (to others): He came to me begging for a project when I had given my offered project to other students, I showed mercy and offered a new project to him.
After some time
Me: Sir, I would have more time next semester, I would do better.
Guide: That’s OK but......
Mr 2: See, you have to write the review better with help of your guide and then submit it again by Monday (I had written two pages by print and four pages i.e. calculations by hand writing due to want of time). I am going to evaluate based on the report which you would submit. OK?
Me: OK Sir. Can I submit it after the end semester exam?
Mr 2 : No, because we have to send the evaluation before. Send the next person in.
By this time I cooled down along with them and came out of the room.
I know I have not done the work worth of two credits. Even if I had met my guide regularly, it would not have been a big problem but I always thought not to meet him unless I have done some work to show him for which I failed to manage time throughout.
One thing I argued better way was “If we do our everything from eating to cleaning our dirt by our won hand and do not feel indignity, why now handwritten document suffers so disrespect? In fact my hand written was well readable and clear.
After staying outside for sometime, Mr 2 saw me and came to me and said, “You are here to work better and we expect better from you. Not only that, this project is an opportunity for you to prove yourself. You yourself would feel very happy after some time in your life by looking at your project if you have done well. You would forget about the courses, you would remember your project. Moreover you will have something to show others also that this was something which I have done and feel proud of. We have to be harsh sometimes. I might not care because some of us think that anyway you are going to forget this after it is over, but I am telling this to you with hope that you would improve yourself. I am not saying you should not enjoy life, but sincerity is also important. Hope you will take a lesson from this and come up with a very good work. All the best.”
I have no words to say, I think I don’t need to say anything now.
